Stop Being a Condescending Asshole
We’ve all been there:
Q: “Hey, I’m running into an issue with X, has anyone seen this before?”
A: “Why would you even do that? That’s wrong.”
And just like that, a genuine question gets slapped down with arrogance instead of help.
This happens constantly in programming Discords, and other communities. The attitude usually comes from the same place: ego. For some people, programming isn’t just problem-solving, it’s a stage for flexing intelligence at the expense of others.
It’s toxic. It’s unnecessary. And it needs to stop.
Why does this happen?
A few psychological and cultural factors fuel this behavior:
-
The Dunning-Kruger Effect
Beginners who have just learned something often overestimate their grasp of it. Instead of saying, “I just figured this out too,” they posture as if they’re experts. This easily morphs into dismissive answers. -
Confidence vs. Arrogance
Explaining a concept clearly requires confidence. But when confidence turns into arrogance, answers start sounding like attacks. “That’s wrong” might feel efficient, but it’s really just lazy communication. -
Personality & Status Games
Some programmers tie their self-worth to being “the smartest in the room.” Answering with condescension becomes a way to establish dominance, not to solve the actual problem. Online anonymity and lack of accountability only magnify this.
Why this matters
When you dismiss someone’s question with snark or superiority, here’s what you’re really doing:
- Shutting down curiosity. The asker might think twice before engaging again.
- Weakening the community. If newcomers get burned, they stop participating.
- Revealing insecurity. Snide answers aren’t about knowledge; they’re about ego management.
And honestly, let’s be real: you aren’t special. You aren’t inherently smarter than everyone else. No one’s impressed by how fast you can belittle someone online.
How to actually answer a question
If you want to help without being an ass:
- Ask for context. Maybe the asker doesn’t have the same assumptions you do.
- Explain why something doesn’t work. Don’t just say “that’s wrong”, show why.
- Offer alternatives. A better answer is: “That approach won’t work because X. You might want to try Y instead.”
- Check your tone. Pretend you’re speaking to a coworker you don’t know well in real life. Would you phrase it the same way?
Closing thought
Arrogance doesn’t make you look like an expert. It makes you look insecure.
If someone is asking a question, it’s because they don’t know. That’s the whole point of communities, to share knowledge.
So next time you feel the urge to say, “Why would you even do that?”, stop. Take a breath. Answer like a human.
Because at the end of the day, programming isn’t about proving who’s smartest. It’s about solving problems together.